I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
