We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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