I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
