Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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