I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
