Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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