Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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