you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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