We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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