Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish you could order shots online.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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