how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
