Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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