I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
