Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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