he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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