Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
