you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
