I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
