talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
