At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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