I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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