bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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