well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
