i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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