I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
