two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
