the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
