I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
