I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
