We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
