She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
