I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
