so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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