At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
