when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
only you would photoshop your dick
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize