I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
