I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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