How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
