do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
