Little spoons don't ask big questions
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
