Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
