i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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