Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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