As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
