Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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