after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
