i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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