Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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