He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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