i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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