i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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