my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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