The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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