thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
with your own penis?
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
