Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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