bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
