Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
