i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Come share oat with me in your robe
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
