i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize