the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
