note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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