A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
