I got chris browned last night
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
