there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
