OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I will pee on everything he values.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
