I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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