i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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