i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
