i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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