Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
