Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
