i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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