I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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