The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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