direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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