Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
