She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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