You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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