I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
