She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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