Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
