I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
