i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
