Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
