The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
