she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
