the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just had sex on a roof
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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