ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
