Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize